Halloween

The best costume I ever wore was on my second Halloween. I was about fourteen months old and I dressed up as a Dalmatian. I only went trick-or-treating until I was about three. I don’t know why I stopped, but I did, and never started again. I think it made more sense to me to stay home and just have my parents buy me candy. On my first Halloween, I dressed up like Simba from Lion King.  Another year I dressed as an M&M. Part of me wishes I had gone more often when I was younger, but then I think I might have ended up as one of those weird teenagers who still go trick-or-treating. I think I made the right choice.

-----

 

Lassie Potion:

½ Cup of zombie sweat

3 pieces of werewolf hair

8 oz. Florida’s Natural Orange Juice for kick

2 rotten eggs

Handful of rat tails

1 spider egg sac

½ of an armadillo- found on any road

Ketchup -for filler

4 oz. Rabid dog saliva

3 sprigs of poison ivy

1 Lemon for that special summer time freshness.

 

Upon drinking, the victim will shrink down to the size of a common mouse, and may then be kept as a pet.

Remember to keep your human well fed with a variety of foods- or don’t, if you’ve done this to them it’s obvious you don’t care what happens.

-----

For the perfect Halloween costume this year, all you need are a few simple items that can be found in any household. To make a realistic looking mummy, you’ll need the following;

Toilet paper

Dirt

Coffee/tea

 

First, take your child and wrap them in the toilet paper. Not too hard, you don’t want to cut off the circulation. Or maybe if you’re a bad parent, you do. None of my business.

After your child is wrapped up, you’ll want to change the look of the bandages so they appear old. Take some scalding hot coffee and throw it on your child. Tea would also work well. This will change the color from a bright white to a faded brown/yellow.

Next, because the mummy has been locked away for thousands of years, it’s probably dirty. Throw dirt on your child. A few rocks may be hidden in the dirt, but… they’ll be fine.

Last, take some makeup and cover the child’s face. You can use purple around they eyes to make them look sunken in, or cover the whole face in purple or green to look decomposed.